curious

(no subject)

Yeah, I've been really depressed lately. It seems like I have a lot of issues to sort out and honestly I am just making everyone miserable. I make them miserable because I am an angry-sad person. I don't know if that even makes any sense to anyone else but I'm on the edge when I'm depressed. I can't help it, I just...well It's like "I'm not afraid of you, there is NOTHING you can do to make me feel any worse than I do now, so FUCK YOU! I'm going to be a flaming bitch." It terrible, I know I inherited that from my mother; that's a scary thought.

So last night I went out on a "date" with my boyfriend. I was REALLY looking forward to it because I never get to see him, so it's special whenever we go out somewhere. But I probably ruined the evening because I was still angry-sad. So we got into a little fight and dinner was terrible. We couldn't go to the movies because we missed our show, so we went back to his house. I ended up crying for a good 30 minutes, with the occasional sob; venting to him about our relationship and how it was developing. I never see him anymore, and I'm a terribly needy person. It's just so hard for me, with all these negative things constantly bringing me down that even the ONE thing that is supposed to make me happy just upsets me more. I just felt like I had NO happy and NO love in my life from anything. I feel very hollow. But we talked it out and I'm pretty sure I got him nervous. He probably thought I was going to dump him, but I know that I would be twice as miserable if I had no one at all to love.

And today at work I kept crying to myself as I was decorating cakes. I was in the corner so no one really noticed but I cried because I realized that my sister is moving away. My uncle asked me if I was "scared" that my sister was moving away. No, not really, I'm just worried that we will grow apart while she's gone. Oh I don't know, It's just so saddening to me. She's not going to be gone for another two weeks but I just couldn't help myself, I just kept thinking and crying.
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curious

(no subject)

Hey, I'm not that intersting and many people don't like me, but I just wanted to get this off of my troubled mind. I wrote a kind of book report and I decided that it would be wise to begin writing it the day before it was due, but I really had trouble getting started. For this I decided to go to a website that summarizes the book and I used a lot of the ideas to fill in my paper. Now my trouble is that I think that I may have gotten caught and I might get kicked out of school for plagerizing... but I'm not sure yet. I feel really bad about it and now I feel like I really fucked things up, I'm not sure if there is anything I can do to lessen the punishment.
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